I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
