When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
