fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
