She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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