____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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