I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
