Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
