I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
