My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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