so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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