btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
