It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
