Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
