We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
