I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
