There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found your dick twin last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
