i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
