ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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