I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
