omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
