omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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