If that was your dad, he is hot
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
