hotel room ftw
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
