for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
