You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he fucked my hip out of place.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Randomize
