I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
