my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
