The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
