I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Shame is for Republicans.
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