I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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