why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
