Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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