and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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