You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
