hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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