Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
