i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
