Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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