mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
