My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
