It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
