The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
