but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
