he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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