I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
