drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
