There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
