Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
