id be glad to
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
