I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
